i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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