I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
