There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
