i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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