when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
bring money and cleavage
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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