the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
