Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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