we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
