dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
