it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
