just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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