Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
