i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
