She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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