Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
