Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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