Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
