hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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