I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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