well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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