I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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