I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
