I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
