my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
