i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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