my mouth tastes like poor choices
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
