I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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