Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
