After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
