i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
