hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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