That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
