In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Randomize
