Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
