So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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