im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
