I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
