Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I love having hate sex.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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