i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
