hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I would ride that face into the sunset
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
