...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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