Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
