I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
