I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
