Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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