He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
