i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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