let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
