Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
