; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
