I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
