Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
