all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
