its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
